“Da'an, are you all right? You look tired.”
“Hm? Oh, yes, Lili, I am fine. Do not worry.”
“If you say so...”
‘He's hiding something from me. Something that bothers him more then he would admit.’ Lili thought.
Da'an seemed distracted and she had caught him daydreaming more often than usual over the last days. Daydreaming didn't seem to be the right word; perhaps ‘daynightmaring’ was more fitting. He had actually jumped and lost his façade completely when she had had to touch him to get his attention while he was lost in thought. He overreacted when startled and she could swear he had lost substance. Like a human could lose weight when under big stress.

 
* * *
 

The next day she had the opportunity to talk with Zo'or in private.
“Zo'or, I'm very worried about Da'an. He's acting strange. Do you know what's bothering him?”
Zo'or blushed.
“I believe I do.”
“What is it?”
“I cannot tell you. It is Da'an's business to talk to you about it when he is ready to do so. I can see he suffers from his burden, but I will not urge him into something he is not willing to reveal. The only thing I can tell you is that his burden has to do something with Fa'loth.”
“Fa'loth again! Will there never be a time when he's dead and buried? Thank you, Zo'or. You've helped me a lot.”
Zo'or looked after her when she left the room. ‘Do not be too sure about that, Lili,’ he thought. ‘Da'an's secret is a burden you really do not want to share.’

 
* * *
 

That night Lili woke up from the uneasy feeling that something wasn't right. She had moved to Da'an's quarters only a few days ago and was still unaccustomed to her surroundings. She sat up and looked around, scanning the odd mix of Taelon and human furniture until she saw Da'an sitting in his chair at the end of her bed. He had lost his façade and muttered something in Eunoia. His body was tense and his colors seemed... subdued.
‘Looks like another nightmare,’ Lili thought and got up to wake him.
When she touched his arm Da'an jumped up with a small cry and blushed in a brilliant white. He drew back from her, eyes wide with fear. Lili stumbled backwards and nearly fell on the edge of her bed. What had Fa'loth done to scare Da'an to death even now?
“Shhh, Da'an. It's me, Lili! I'm sorry. I didn't want to scare you.”
Da'an had turned back to his human appearance but was still shaky.
“It is all right, Lili. I had a... a nightmare. Thank you for waking me.”
“A nightmare? Do you want to talk about it?”
“I... no, Lili, I would rather not.”
“Was it the same one you had yesterday? And the day before? Da'an, talking about it helps!”
“I... I cannot do that. I am sorry, Lili.”
Lili sat back and tried to decipher the small fragments of thought she had received from him when she had touched him. Fear, disgust, shame... Why shame?
“Da'an, what had Fa'loth done?”
With a panicked expression Da'an looked up. “How do you ...?”
“I've talked to Zo'or.”
“Zo'or! What has he told you?” Angrily Da'an stepped forward and grasped her upper arm.
“Ouch! Da'an you're hurting me! He has said nothing to me! Only that it has something to do with Fa'loth!”
Slowly Da'an loosened his grip.
“I am sorry. I did not want to hurt you!”
He turned around and walked to the window.
Lili stood up and followed him, absentmindedly rubbing her arm.
“Da'an, if you let whatever Fa'loth has done to you rule your life he has won! He had wanted to destroy you. Don't allow him to do that by destroying yourself! Please, talk to me!”
“He... he raped me.”
Lili thought she didn't hear right. “Did you just say he... raped...? Oh my God.”
They both stood silent for a while, then Da'an started to talk.
“At first I did not know what he wanted to do. He just stood there and watched me. His gaze inspected every inch of my body. When he started to touch me I could feel his emotions concerning me and I panicked. I felt so helpless. I was strapped down on a table and could do nothing to defend myself. I made me sick what he was doing. But that was not the worst.”
He stopped. Lili just stood there next to him. She didn't know what to say, how to comfort Da'an. It made her sick to think about what had happened to her love, and that there was nothing she could do. How does one fight another's memories?
“Go on...”
“Do you really want to know...?”
“No. But it will help you. Now go on.” She urged. “You can, no you have to do it.”
“This is not easy...” Da'an shuddered at the thoughts of what had happened next.
“The worst was that I could feel what he felt. And that it affected me. I feel so much shame about what I felt then it is driving me insane. His touch... aroused me. It had been such a long time since someone had touched me like that. And he sensed my emotions and got only turned on further by it. I cannot stand myself for what I did and felt back then. I cannot live with the memory. Now that all has calmed down after the war the memory comes back, revived by a smell or a sound, a sight...”
Lili touched his hand, trying somehow to ease his pain. He leaned heavily to her and clung to her like he was drowning. She felt him shaking and led him to the bed to sit down and support him. She held him tight and started kissing him, feeling his emotional turmoil and her own feeling of helplessness overwhelm her.

Da'an felt safe in Lili's arms, a feeling he has thought he would never experience again. Slowly he became aware of her warmth, the soft curves of her body pressing to his and her breath upon his skin. He wanted to kiss her, but then he remembered Fa'loth and he stiffened, not wanting that... ugliness of his emotions to touch her pure soul. She felt him drawing back and looked up and into his eyes.
“You are not ugly. I love you. And I want to be close to you.”
She leaned forward and kissed him. Her hands started roaming over his body. In amazement he just let it happen, looking at her wide-eyed. He did not deserve this... love. He felt his body react to her touch and again Fa'loth crossed his mind but this time Lili had felt it too, and doubled her efforts to turn his attention back to her. And it worked. Da'an closed his eyes and returned her kisses. His hands held her face, not willing to let her stop what she was doing. She gently removed his hands from her face and made him lie down on his back. During the kissing he had lost his human appearance again. Curious, she now traced the energy patterns of his body, following the lines and watching in awe how they lit up under her touch.
“Does this mean you like it?” she asked.
Da'an was only able to nod. Why did she ask? She had to know it, to feel it, too.
*Just wanted to be sure,* she thought to him. *Old habits die hard. Humans like to talk. We're not used to mind speech, you know.*
Lili let herself become absorbed in what she was doing. The translucent being beneath her hands felt so soft to her touch, so fragile and yet strong, solid and fluid at the same time. She knew exactly how to touch Da'an to pleasure him most. She felt him response to her touch as if it was her own body that was caressed.
After being sure she was comfortable with him Da'an turned tables and started exploring her body, sensing her reactions to his caresses in his mind like she had before.
Lili had never thought it possible to share feelings intense like this with a being that consisted of energy instead of flesh and bone. Da'an's body temperature had risen high enough to make his caresses burn like fire on her skin. He had started to glow in a warm light she had never seen on a Taelon before. When she thought that they had reached the top of what was possible between them, Da'an rolled her over and covered her with his body.
He positioned himself as if he wanted to penetrate her, but he wasn't male. What would come next, she wondered. Then she felt him losing his solidity. Slowly he sank inside her body, melting with her, starting at the point she needed him most, then proceeding until his form had dissolved into her body entirely.
It was the most unbelievable feeling she ever had. Every cell of her body was stimulated by him, exploding into a mind-shattering orgasm.
Had she felt whole when she had shared with him the first time and encountered the commonality, this was even better. Never before had she felt this... understood, safe and complete in her entire life.
Only reluctantly she let him go. Through their bond she could tell it had been as unbelievable to him as it had been to her.
They needed no more words. Da'an spooned himself against her back and let himself drift away with her to sleep.

 
* * *
 

At the bridge of the mothership Sandoval witnessed Zo'or blushing brightly. The rest of the day Zo'or seemed unusually at ease, staring out of the window with a satisfied smile and lost in thought.